JBFCS: Rita J. Kaplan Jewish Connections Programs

Rita J. Kaplan Jewish Connections Programs of the Jewish Board of Family and Children's Services

June 2006

By Alisha Goodman, LMSW and Rabbi Stephanie Dickstein, LMSW

Spiritual Care for Caregivers

In May, Rabbi Stephanie Dickstein, LMSW, pastoral counselor for the Shira Ruskay Center, spoke as part of a panel on caregivers and self care in at Adath Israel Congregation in Toronto, Canada. Rabbi Dickstein began with a brief relaxation/ breathing experience, which included a short, true story and a niggun from Psalms. Below is an excerpt from her part of the discussion:

A simple definition of spirituality is the search for meaning -- for your self, yet beyond yourself. It may be described as a process of reaching in, reaching out and reaching up.

For those of us whose foundation is Judaism, and for whom Jewish practice in an integral part of our lives, or for those who recognize or desire a Jewish spark at a time of challenge, there are many different Jewish spiritual resources which can support us as caregivers.

Until recently, we generally thought of caregivers as family members in the context of the illness, disability or aging of a loved one. As a pulpit rabbi, I used to ask: "Would you like me to make a misheberach for your loved one? Can I arrange for a bikur cholim visitor to see your loved one?"

We are only now beginning to recognize that the journey of the caregiver is its own entity. It is of course tied to the situation of the holeh (ill one), but it is also quite separate.

We often think of the caregiver as fulfilling a mitzvah -- a religious obligation, especially in relation to honoring our parents. But a caregiver must also be cognizant of other mitzvoth, such as those related to self care, since caring for yourself and your own health is also a mitzvah. For some caregivers, self care is a matter of pikuach nefesh (saving a life).

I have already demonstrated some forms of care which evoke a relaxation response. Exercise, even as simple as a brisk walk each day, is an essential tool in dealing with stress. I am a strong believer in a manicure or a massage -- anything in which you contract with someone else to care of your body and to make all decisions for you for a few minutes. It is critical to also make use of professional support and appropriate advocates, especially in complex medial and/or family emotional situations.

Sacred texts, ancient and modern also speak to the struggle and satisfactions of caregiving, and connected caregivers to power spiritual resources and to the Eternal. These texts are helpful in speaking to some of the spiritual issues that caregivers have shared with me.

Rabbi Dickstein is the author of the recently published With Sweetness from The Rock: A Jewish Spiritual Companion for Caregivers. For more information or to order a copy, email:

These "Spirituality Notes" are excerpts from our monthly E-newsletter. Articles are © JBFCS Rita J. Kaplan Jewish Connections Programs and may be reprinted free of charge as long as this credit line is included.

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